^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^What I am going to blame my random weight gain on!! :)
When something or someone irritates me (especially if it's something or someone I care about) I get sick to my stomach.. get in a bad mood.. basically.. I feel crappy. Because usually I have those feelings because something just isn't right.. that or I am being a bitch.
Here are a few things that are getting on my nerves this morning.
--pIah.. all of a sudden.. has an endless amount of money. He went from trying to take money from me to buying a new Mercedes, taking a two week trip to NY and wanting to treat me to a weekend together.. all so he can show just how much he misses me.
I had a relatively friendly conversation with him two nights ago. He apologized, we didnt argue.. then he asked me if he could come and see me for a weekend... I didn't answer him. Sooo today, he brings it up again.. I then ask him (very nicely) where he is getting all of this money.. and he tells me that it is none of my business and I am a bitch.. and hangs up on me... OK, I get the whole none of my business thing.. but I was genuinely worried.. because I hope hes not getting into drugs.. that's what got him shot before (I know, I am making him out to be a big winner). I mean, No, I do not want to be with him. Do I miss him sometimes? When I get SEVERELY lonely. buuuut for the most part, no. However, I did care about him, I did live with him, I had once planned to spend the rest of my life with him... so I do care. I don't have a stone heart.. and a tend to care about the well being of everyone.. even if they don't deserve it. So the fact that he won;t tell me bugs me.. and the fact that he honestly thinks that he is.. everything.. bugs me. I honestly hope he contracts an std.
---Okay.. because this person I have been talking to is seemingly going to be around for a while (at least a little bit) I'm gonna give him a name. I am going to call him "Double." Onnnly because if he happens to read this.. he wont figure out its him (even though that would make him a complete idiot)
Double is the guy who is unhappily in a relationship. He's been in this relationship for a couple 4 1/2 years... and knows he won't spend the rest of his life with her, and says he is not in love with her anymore. He does care about her and just KNOWS that when he breaks up with her she will be devastated. He is also afraid of losing her family. He doesn't want to break up with her and take the chance of being with someone else.. then have it not work out.. and be alone. He would rather, unhappily, be with someone he doesn't care about.
Double is most everything I am attracted to in a person. He's funny, in GOOD shape, good looking, sarcastic, kinda cocky, sweet, has some pretty sexy tattoos.. he was also my first kiss... annnnd when I oh so drunkenly made out with him over Christmas (I did NOT know he had a girlfriend)... I found out hes a pretty good effin kisser. We had talked about me coming to see him in Texas (where he is stationed) I was excited about it, all about it. Until he told me he had a girlfriend. Thennnn I wasn't okay with it (for some reasons I would rather not discuss. and some obvious ones). But I do talk to him. Not inappropriately, welll.... kinda. but not really. It's mostly on his part.
This is what bugs me about him this morning.. (I'm over the whole fact he has a girlfriend. I am a-okay just being friends with him. I have been for a long time.. no reason that should stop).. He has been texting me a lot lately. Telling me he misses me.. and asking me how he can make me happy. Tells me how much he cares about me, wants to be with me and wishes things were different... Here is how I feel about it... IT'S NOT LIKE HES FUCKING MARRIED!!!! I mean, he lives in Texas, she lives in NY... Shes also kinda.. weird. I've met her. I used to go to school with her. And if you don't love someone.. why stay with them?! that boggles my mind. mostly because I've done it and can't imagine doing it again. And if he likes me as much as he says he does... I mean... really...
Sooooooo My dilemma.. I like talking to him. A lot. I try very very hard not to cross that line. I refuse to go see him.. I am also ALWAYS completely honest with him.. and tell him when he is being inappropriate. But... I like him.. and it won't go away. And hes a dumb ass.
---Jimbo. enough said.
---This doesn't get on my nerves.. but I must admit.. it did a little at 3:30 this morning..
Casey's son, Nolan... A. Caron, a friend and I babysat last night while Jon and Casey went to a concert. Nolan slept with me.. because he is comfortable around me. and if he woke up in the middle of the night.. he would be okay. And he was... Buuut around 3:30 in the morning he woke up and couldnt be consoled. Soooo I put him into bed with me and he quickly fell back asleep. BUT... he tossed and turned.. VIOLENTLY... the rest of the night. He moans.. throws himself around, crys... and hes sleeping the whole time. UGH.
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Aside from that.. Everything is everything. Double is doing field training till Thursday.. so I won't be talking to him.. and I told pIah not to call me anymore.. and he hasn't. So I wonder how long this will last?! O... other guy who was interested... who has a girlfriend... is now gonna be a daddy soon!!! Well, good for him.
I am getting very sick of... people.. lately. I am also not happy with things that have negative health side-effects.. because I like them all. I have been quitting smoking since January.. its not going very well. Unless you count right now.. I'm not smoking now.. so i guess you could say its going very well.
hmmmmm... what else..
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