Dear So and So...

First... here is a song that always comes up on Pandora.. and I really like it..
"More Than a Man" - Dave Barnes ... Sorry about the "Days of Our Lives" video.. I think its kinda funny =)

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Dear pIah
I am pissed at you (go f'in figure). You have managed to squeeze your way into this week (and you were doing soo well avoiding that restraining order). I think that we would both be better off if you would just take my number out of your phone, forget my name and stop having wet dreams, with me involved. I understand you are prolly having a hard time finding a sleezy girl to take home.. I mean, lets face it, you've put on a few 20 lbs and you don't have a bed. WHO, no matter how slutty they may be, wants to go home with someone who offers a floor of smelly blankets to sleep on (I told you that someday you would want to know how to do your own laundry)? Nobody, that's who. I know you miss me. I don't blame you. But I do not miss you. SO! just stop. You are just convincing me even more that you are in fact a psycho. It doesn't look good on either of us (you, for obvious reasons and me... well, because I dated you). I am sure there is someone out there who wants to be your stay at home bitch, but it is NOT me.

Tell your mom I said hi,
the one that RAN away

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Dear my new male distraction
Thanks for... everything. Good job.

Ashley

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Dear Old Dan
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

Love,
your bestest friend

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Dear Jimbo
Yelling at me makes me angry. Not only is it unnecessary, but it is.. TOTALLY unnecessary. Try taking a few uppers.. orrr... get laid.. orr... hell, start drinking at work (I'll have a few with you. God only knows I deserve it)!!! ANYTHING to make you happier... and less apt to yell at me. Sooner or later, your gonna feel the wrath of Ashley. I promise, it is not a pleasant experience.. try to avoid it at all costs. This is your first warning.

STILL waiting on that raise,
Ashley

p.s. "please" and "thank you" works WONDERS
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Dear Cosmopolitan
I was perusing your website this morning and what do I see? a link that reads "20 F**k me heels that will get his attention." Ok... I LOVE your magazine. It's entertaining and its always about sex. Now who doesn't love that? BUT... you are just telling your readers "Listen girls, all you need are these (ugly) shoes to get the guy!!! Do you know how many girls can't walk in heels?! Not only that.. but what respectable girl wants a guy to be interested based solely on the fact that she has heels that scream "f**k me" ?!?! No, thank you.

My other issue.. the ad that tells your.. must be uninformed readers.. 5 signs that their man wants to propose. Now, I feel that if a girl truely has no idea her main squeeze is gonna propose.. he prolly meant for that to happen and she shouldn't try to burst his bubble. Also, if your readers are really THAT dumb.. that they don't catch on to your genius hints and signs.. well, that guy needs to turn in the other direction and run.. because she is a dumb ass. I still love your magazine tho!!!

Keep up the good work,
Ashley, the cosmo girl

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Dear Facebook users
To any of you who post pictures of yourselves... get a life. If you have enough time to stand in front of a mirror, pose, make the "kissy face" and take a million pictures.. you need to get a hobby. If you think you look good that particular day, go out.. and let people see how fabulous you look. Don't get all dressed up.. only to sit in front of a mirror taking pictures. It just makes no sense. If you think you look good, good for you.. but maybe we don't.. therefore, we (I) do not care to see 500,000 pictures of you making every face possible, in front of a dirty mirror.

Thanks for making me look good,
Ashley

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It's finally Friday.. and I am not so sure that I am going to make it through today w/o yelling at Jimbo... at least... 10 times. Hes got it coming.. really. ..counting to ten, slowly... deep breath... ugh. okay. I'm ready for the weekend. 5 o'clock, you don't need to hide!!! Feel free to come early!!

Have a good weekend!!!
xoxox