Fun Nights... Tired Mornings

This morning, at 9:24 a.m., I am just getting into work. an hour past my usual time. No big deal? maybe not for you... but for me... this morning has sucked so far!!

Last night I spent the night with my Aunt and her best friend, Rat. (I asked her where "Rat" came from once... apparently its better than being called "mouse"... so there ya go). After work I got to see my second cousin, Chloe.. who is ADORABLE.. to say the least. And had a much needed beer. The nights conversations went through the usual gossip and family drama... then... my dad came up in conversation. UUGGHHH. I love my dad. I didn't get to see him much when I was growing up because hes always lived in Texas. I lived with my mom in New York... calling men "Dad" who really didn't think I was anything more than a bratty teenager (which i was, but that is beside the point) and always in the way. I never had a daddy. I tried so hard to do things to make him proud, hoping he would talk to me, pay attention to me, something... anything. But he never did. It wasn't until I found out (about two years too late) that he had cancer. Thats when I decided I needed to do something, I didn't want to have a father I hardly knew and no time to get to know him. Soooo... needless to say.. I cry every time I talk to him. I try to tell him how I feel... but hes not the easiest person to have "heart to hearts" with. After my conversation about the weather (it bugs me that every time a person feels uncomfortable with a conversation, they bring up the weather. the two people talking... feeling stupid for even being on the phone.. have a pointless conversation about if its going to rain tomorrow instead of saying what they really want to say.. in my case its "Why did you let some loser guy adopt me") I hung up the phone and tried to convince myself (with some help from Aunt Caron and Rat) that calling him back would be a good idea. I needed to get some things off my chest and it was better to do it now than wait until he came in March. I do want to talk to him... but part of me doesn't. Part of me wants to be stubborn and tell him that its his turn to try. But, if i do that, Ill get nowhere.

The night went on and we went to bed. 7:00 came WAY to early. After walking to work in the rain I realized I left my keys at my aunts the night before.. right before that much needed beer. So, my boss had to come let me in the building. This morning, I can hardly keep my eyes open!! And to top it all off, I'm trying to balance a check book... which a crazy, annoying woman, who worked here before me, didn't do. So wish me luck! <3